Setting a World Record

This wasn't the first time I felt nude in public. 

I worked my way through college, and one of the most demeaning jobs I took was a mascot for a casino. I sweated in a giant duck costume like a deep sea diver, making my way through the casino to promote a new gaming machine. I couldn't see anything through the mask, so someone led me through the narrow aisles between ringing slot and poker machines. Old men pinched my tail feathers, convinced only a woman would take such a job. Anyone shorter than me got tripped over. At the end of the day, they thanked me politely for my time, paid me, and said I didn't need to return tomorrow. 

So it wasn't without experience that I donned another costume to appear in public. This experience was much better. 

I participated in the New Jersey Zombie Walk 2013 in Asbury Park. The Guinness Book of World Records was on hand to officially announce it the largest gathering of zombies in the world. 9,592 zombies stalked the boardwalk in gleaming artificial blood, flaking latex, and gore. The variety was stunning. 

I wore the suit that best approximates the Eaters in the video game of our Kickstarter. Their skin rotted off, they look like something out of the Bodies Exhibit. 

The response took me totally off guard. 

What is the Zombie Death Toll?

Day 1
In a city like Shanghai, with 24 million people, 570 people die every day. Let's assume for the sake of argument that whatever causes zombies (alien slime, radioactive water, bacteria) has infected everyone in the city, so whoever dies turns into a zombie. That makes the math easy. That's 570 undead on day one.
Let's say each of them manages to kill, or cause to be killed, one person. Not greedy. You know, loved ones, neighbors, innocent bystanders.
The "cause to be killed" part is crucial because over a few days the death toll leads to mobs, riots, supply chain disruption, fires, anarchy, military crackdowns, martial law.... you get the picture. But I'm getting ahead of myself. On day two:

How do Zombies Taste?

Bitten by zombies? Bite back! Harcos Labs found a way to disinfect festering zombie parts and transform them into tasty snacks. What better way to amble through the zombie apocalypse than munching on a bag of Zombie Skin? Have a hankering for beef jerky? Snap into a Zombie! Need trail food? Zombie toenails make a crunchy treat. Thirsty? Nothing satisfies like detoxified zombie blood. They munched on your friends. Time to return the favor, but remember: revenge is a dish best served cold.
*nom nom nom*

Life is a Circus

What are you looking at?

Life is a one-ring circus.

When you were young, the circus brought joy and wonder and amazement. You marveled at animals right out of storybooks. You gasped when beautiful women defied death through the air. You cried with laughter at colorful clowns. Invincible strongmen gave you hope. Magicians made you believe.

Then you aged. Every night, from the same uncomfortable seat, through the same tired acts, you see a different show.

You don't laugh at the clown after you learned he's suicidal.
The trapeze artist slept with you, and everyone else.
One drunken night, the magician betrayed his tricks.
The elephants don't remember the veldt.
The fire breather spits mineral oil.
The strong man cries at night.
The tigers have no claws.
The ringleader is a brutal jerk.

Worst of all, they've learned your faults as well. Even in the dark, you feel them watching you.

You pity the people around you, so easily amused. You recall older acts, better acts, but no one listens.

You want to leave, find a new circus, start over, but you know, you know, every circus, in every town, will, over time, mirror this one.

Every night you buy a paper ticket and take your seat.
Every morning you worry they won't give you one this time.
You go. You go.
It's the only show on earth.

Judge a Book by its Cover

Go ahead. Judge a book by its cover. Distill years of work into three seconds. If the name on the spine didn’t sell you, why spend more time on it? You still have to READ the book, so the less time spent in the store, the better. Ever your humble servant, I spent thirty seconds of my own to recommend ten books, in descending order, based on my own assumptions of the title, none of which I have read. It begins with a question…Click Here to read it on The Scrib.

Slenderman

Photo Credited to Shadowhaze (Does anyone use their real name anymore?)

It isn't often you see the genesis of an urban legend. Slenderman has been described as a supernaturally tall man with no face and, sometimes, tentacles, dressed in a suit who stalks and captures children and teens. He prefers foggy, woodland areas and seems to turn arson when the need arises. The Mythical Creatures Guide reports: "It would stalk the victim for long amounts of time causing what is known as

Strange Sounds

How did I miss this?
On January 11th and 12th thoughout the Northern Hemisphere, people reported hearing "strange sounds" coming from the sky. Here is a Canadian Television report on the phenomenon. Viewing the videos on YouTube, they sound like a fog horn or a blatting trumpet coming from everywhere at once. While the scientific explanation is simple (electromagnetic waves similar to the Aurora Borealis cause resonance), the sound is extremely eerie. It bears a striking resemblance to the aliens in War of the Worlds and at 3:40 in this video has a striking similarity to the film YellowBrickRoad. Good in a movie. Not so much, though, when you hear those sounds in real life.
I'm a simple guy. I like the simple explanation, but I can't help feeling like a caveman in the dawn of time when I hear this noise. It hits you a primeval way. You just drop what you're doing and wait for whatever horrible thing must be coming next.
It's rare to find something so horrifyingly real on the internet. But I'm sure it didn't scare you.

Witty Movie Reviews

I watch a lot of crappy horror movies on Netflix. In fact, it's hard to find any horror films with more that two stars. That's why I like the warnings people leave in their reviews. Far better than most films are the witty observations of those braver than I. I've started to collect them (none of them mine). It doesn't matter what the movie was; you'll get the joke. And you can always guess. Enjoy!