Shipwrecks of the World

I've always had a fascination with shipwrecks, which is why they figure so prominently in "Red Sand". There is something majestic and terrifying about these tempest tossed relics of man's inferiority. Once proudly sailing above, now crushed by their own vanity, these rusting hulks represent man's neverending struggle against nature. What is a storm but the personification of man's frailty before nature's wrath?
I'm partial to shipwrecks that remain above water. To sink at sea is one thing, but

Strange Sounds

How did I miss this?
On January 11th and 12th thoughout the Northern Hemisphere, people reported hearing "strange sounds" coming from the sky. Here is a Canadian Television report on the phenomenon. Viewing the videos on YouTube, they sound like a fog horn or a blatting trumpet coming from everywhere at once. While the scientific explanation is simple (electromagnetic waves similar to the Aurora Borealis cause resonance), the sound is extremely eerie. It bears a striking resemblance to the aliens in War of the Worlds and at 3:40 in this video has a striking similarity to the film YellowBrickRoad. Good in a movie. Not so much, though, when you hear those sounds in real life.
I'm a simple guy. I like the simple explanation, but I can't help feeling like a caveman in the dawn of time when I hear this noise. It hits you a primeval way. You just drop what you're doing and wait for whatever horrible thing must be coming next.
It's rare to find something so horrifyingly real on the internet. But I'm sure it didn't scare you.

Where to Drink in New York City

I put the finishing touches on my book Red Sand at Kenn's Broome Street Bar in SoHo, so I thought I'd share with you the five best places to get a beer in New York City. In a city with $18 appletinis, the most important rule to remember is: Never trust a bar that doesn't have beer on tap. You’ll be overcharged before you cross the threshold. Go to the right place, like PS450 on Park, and you can still get a good pint for 4 bucks. Here's where you'll find me and the best places to drink in New York:

New York Renaissance Faire

Up front: I despise Renaissance Fairs. First, they're hard to spell. Second, they’re typically designed to attract two types of people, troglodytes and cash-laden tourists, neither of whom I usually associate with. Here are the types of people I expected to see:

1. Twelve year old boys in the “Knights and swords are cool!” phase. That’s the one that comes after dinosaurs and trains, but before girls. Typically indicative of art school aspirations.

2. Dungeons and Dragons players. The actual game, not video games. These people crawl out of their mother’s pot hazed basement for an annual dose of Vitamin D.

3. LOTR fanatics. If you know the acronym, you are one. 

4. Comic-Con rejects (if there is such a thing without being a tautology).

5. Grossly overweight faeries. 

6. All of the above. Grossly overweight LOTR fanatic Comic-Con reject D&D playing boys.

Needless to say, I was not looking forward to getting dragged to the New York Renaissance Faire. So, in apology to all of the above, let me first say I was pleasantly surprised.

Don't Blog Drunk

"Everything mankind does is much, much easier if you're ever so slightly drunk." - The Mitchell and Webb Look.

Don't blog drunk. The reason is, you will write something to regret later. Why? Because society is unforgiving when it comes to our weaknesses. You don't care? You disagree? Certain people disappoint you? You are finding it hard to cope with reality?
Well, fuck all that. Blogging is about expressing yourself. Your true self. The part of you that other people don't hear on a daily basis.
So why blog drunk?

How to make Soap and a Hot Shower on a Desert Island

How do you make soap and a hot shower on a desert island? In "Red Sand", survivors stuck on a desert island struggle with natives, sand fleas, a mysterious killer, and certainly hygiene issues. The mechanics of a hot shower would have slowed down the plot, but if you read it wondering, "How did they stay clean?", here's the answer.
Surrounded by stinky castaways? You're not the first. Among the travails of marooned mariners, hygiene typically gets the short shrift. It's hard for us modern folk to focus on famine, disease, and elemental exposure when the guy next to you stinks to high hell.
Luckily, even the rudest island has all the ingredients necessary to take a hot shower with real soap.
The following recipe

How to Stop Dating Married Men

I once endured an uncomfortable situation where a single woman asked me, “Why are women attracted to married men?” on an elevator in front of the married man, my boss, she was currently shtupping. I remember stammering out some grand theory for about fifteen seconds before I decided discretion was the better part of employment.  

I’m sure many unfortunate women are wondering the same thing, so, having given the pros and cons several years of thought, both as a married man and not, here is my best attempt at a diplomatic and balanced answer.

The Antidote to Viagra

Don't you wish you could calm down once in a while? I do. I wish I could look at the hottest woman in the world and, instead of thinking what every man on Earth would be thinking at that moment, say to myself, "Gee, I have some writing to do." Sadly, the Red Pill hasn't been invented yet. For those of you too young and vigorous for Viagra, here's the antidote, as published on "The Scrib".

Travel in the Dominican Republic

Note shotgun and machete. 

The trip from the Santo Domingo airport to the Renaissance Jaragua hotel reveals a microcosm of the Dominican Republic.

Immediately upon leaving the airport, poverty and chaos engulfs my ruined taxi.
Burnt-out, mangled cars line the road as frequently as mile markers. Enterprising souls abscond with the mile marker husks, paint them, and continue to service the airport-hotel circuit. I suspect my driver is one of them. Most of the mini-busses in operation appear to have literally “hit the road”. Taxis are invariably Toyota sedans bulging with eight or more passengers. One gets the sense that Toyota shipped its first line of vehicles to the Dominican Republic as a gift when the Japanese started producing cars, and have not done so since. 

After an eternity spent crawling past densely packed, crumbling concrete block homes with rusted currogated rooftops huddling below palm trees, I arrive at 

Witty Movie Reviews

I watch a lot of crappy horror movies on Netflix. In fact, it's hard to find any horror films with more that two stars. That's why I like the warnings people leave in their reviews. Far better than most films are the witty observations of those braver than I. I've started to collect them (none of them mine). It doesn't matter what the movie was; you'll get the joke. And you can always guess. Enjoy!